Revelations and updates .. life isn't always easy

SO it's been awhile since i've had an update. This week has been a tough one. I learned that due to no one hiring, Collin has moved back to NY for awhile where he has a job lined up as well as looking for a second and maybe a third job. He wants 4 all together but I honestly think thats too much. 3 jobs is pushing it. But I understand that he wants to make as much as possible and then head back to Kentucky by the end of the summer. I had some issues with scheduling and cutting hours this past weekend with my job that I had to figure out since my boss got married last saturday and is not around to fix it. And of course I've been trying to get my senior show together for my review which happened yesterday. I worked my butt off this week. I'm not going to get into everything cause it's very personal and emotional, but my senior show was not approved. So I have a re-review on Tuesday. EVERYONE PLEASE CROSS YOUR FINGERS AND PRAY. 

The past 2 days have been very emotional and eye opening. I've been doing a lot of soul searching after talking with my mom. and while i don't want to always hear everything she has to say, sometimes she isn't wrong. I hope u are reading this mom, lol. I dont agree with everything you've said. Especially when it comes to Collin. If anything, I'm the one distracting myself from getting my work done not him. In fact, you and Collin are very much alike and I find it funny that he told me the same exact things you spent an hour telling me last night. I've realized that I see things and process things a lot differently than most other individuals. And for that perhaps, I end up ruining the good things in my life. I become to attached to things and people and ideas that I get caught up in all that instead of enjoying the good. So I guess thats why things never go as how i've planned them. 

In the last few hours I have cried, argued, and cursed everyone in the way. But I also stepped back and thought long and hard. Maybe there is something wrong with me... maybe not wrong but something not so right about how i see things, how i perceive them. It's not easy to accept defeat especially in battle i've been fighting what seems like my whole life. And maybe it's not defeat, but it's reassessing things and going from there. I feel that today I have a better outlook on things. 

I've contacted my teachers and met with them and spent an hour going over and over issues, ideas, and images to come up with a strong show. I think that the second time around, with a lot of work, will be a success. God bless me this weekend with the will and the strength to get through it all. Pray that my show gets approved so my show can go on on schedule.