I have to say, going through my own wedding now, that People today do NOT understand proper etiquette especially when it comes to weddings!
So here I am writing my own guide to how to be a polite wedding guest!
1. RVSP :
If there's anything that gets on brides and grooms' nerves before the wedding, it's guests failing to RSVP in a timely manner. "RSVP as soon as humanly possible," Naylor advised. "Within a couple of weeks, send it back, even if the deadline is far off. It's just good manners," and it's essential to determining how much the wedding will cost. "There is so much expense to planning, and most of that expense is dictated by the numbers on the guest list," Post added.
RSVP is French for “please respond” (répondez s’il vous plaît). Your most important obligation as a guest is to respond to the invitation immediately, especially if you are unable to attend. At the very least, it allows your host and hostess enough time to give an accurate count to the caterer. There is usually a card to return with your reply. If not, you may write a formal reply or a note indicating your intention.
2. If you were invited to the ceremony, don't just show up for the reception.
"The ceremony is the most important part," said Naylor, adding that guests should make all efforts to attend. Even when the invitation bears those three little words, "full Catholic Mass," it’s in poor taste to show up to the open bar without first attending the main event.
Also, If you are just attending the one or the other, Please put so on your RSVP so that the bride and groom can calculate for that.
3. Arrive at the ceremony on time.
Leave plenty of time to get to the wedding itself -- even enough time to get lost on the way.
If you must be late, there's protocol for that, too. Don't think, "I'll slip in while the bride is coming up the aisle. No," Post said. "If you're really late, stand in the back or slip quietly into a back pew or row once the processional is completely finished."
4. Send a gift, even if you can't attend.
Etiquette dictates that if you were invited, you owe the couple a gift, even if you can't make it to the wedding. "People lose friends over this," Post said. "I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't remind people to take care of this: one invitation to a wedding ceremony equals a wedding gift."
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding—please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.
5. Sit at your assigned table
"There's a lot of thought that goes into these seating arrangements," Post said. Yes, the bride and groom actually spent time thinking about the various relationships their guests have to one another, and there could be a very good reason the cute guy you want to sit next to is at the other end of the room. Maybe his crazy ex-girlfriend will cause a scene and take you out for flirting with him. Who knows? Only the bride and groom, so don't mess with the seating.
6. Bring an appropriate guest (if you have actually been invited with a guest, that is -- but we'll get to that in the Don'ts).
If you have a sulky boyfriend who will keep you in the corner all night, or one with an unpredictable temper after too many Jack and Cokes, leave him at home.
Respect your invitation.
Do not ask your host or hostess if you can bring a date or your children. The invitation will be addressed to the people invited. If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read “Mr. John Phelps and guest.” If your children are invited, they will either receive their own personal invitations or their names will be listed under yours on the envelope. This is not the time to question your host’s decision, to argue or to beg for an exception. And, please, do not add their names to a reply card or show up with them anyway!
Do not pencil your significant other's name onto the RSVP card, and do not call and ask the bride for a +1. "It is just beyond not okay," Post said, adding that it's one of the top ten complaints she gets from couples. "Once the bride and groom have come to their decision, it is what it is. Asking them to change is disrespectful, and it puts them in an awkward position."
The only exceptions, according to Post, are if you're married, engaged or cohabitating. In that case, modern day etiquette says the bride should have included your romantic other in the first place, and you can very diplomatically and politely broach the conversation with her.
8. Yes, the "no bringing uninvited guests" rule includes your kids.
"People think 'Oh this wedding would be great chance for everyone to meet my new baby! Or to see my kids!' No, just don’t bring an uninvited child." Naylor said. The couple may not have the space and the budget, or they may just prefer not to have children present; they are allowed to have an adults-only wedding.
9. Don't leave before the cake is cut.
It's an old rule, but Post says there's a good reason for it: "It's considered a quiet sign to elderly guests that it's okay to leave," she explained. That’s when it's acceptable for you to depart as well.
10. Do Sign the Guestbook
It might be cheesy, but at the end of the day, the wedding day can be a bit blurry for the groom and bride. They want to remember everyone who came so take a min and add your name. Whether it's just your signature or they have some new age guestbook idea like thumbprints, just do it!
11. Do remember your favor!
Whether it's a yummy treat or a handmade item, the couple put a lot of time and effort and money into getting and/or making something memorable for you to take with you from their wedding. Doesn't matter what you do with it afterwards, just don't leave it for them to pack up.
Most of the above I got from here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/17/wedding-etiquette-the-dos_n_879354.html ... and Emily Post. I did add a few tidbits and I also left out a few because I don't agree with them or felt they were unimportant. I was more the anxious, and still am to see everyone's pictures!!
WHEN IN DOUBT, do some research when receiving a wedding invite. Is it really worth it to be disrespectful to someone, even if you don't think you are? Personally I would want to be as polite as possible.
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